Crossing Eden

As my three children grow, I have to keep up with how I relate to them. It’s amazing the things my children will say. Sometimes they sound like they’re all grown up. I find this common now with my 7 year old daughter. Her grown up statements crack me up sometimes. Other times I don’t know how I should feel. It’s just kind of strange. It’s not just what she says, it’s how she says it. The tone, the emphasys, all sound as if she were 20. I hope others out there can relate to what i’m experiencing. You see, when this happens it’s almost as if I am able to see for a split second,  who my little daughter will grow to be.

The reason these small experiences stick in my mind, is that I do not want my situation to change with my daughter. I will always be there for her. And my job as a father is to be her teacher and protector. As she gets older I have to adjust how I manage those tasks. I know what you’re thinking, she’s only 7, don’t be silly! And you are probably correct in thinking this. The thing is, my daughter is way different than my two boys who are 5 and 9. I see her growing up much quicker than the other two. I’ve always heard that girls mature much faster than boys, and this seems true for my family. Now I have to treat the girl differently in some ways, than the boys.

I think in all families each child has their own sort of relationship with parents, especially when you cross gender lines. Having said that, in day to day life I am very accustomed to placing the children in one group and my wife and me in the other group. This makes things simple. And I love things that are simple. If something goes wrong, it's the fault of the parents or the children did something bad. Simple. My daughter on the other hand does not share my “simple” belief. It seems, at almost every turn these days, she uses her new found maturity to point this out. You see, I think she wants to be in her own group. I can appreciate the fact that she has always been a bit headstrong (she gets that from her mom), but now she is making my simple world much more complicated. My cute little daughter has now grown much more accustomed to challenge parental decisions even at her benefit. The word “brat” might come into your mind about now. But it’s not a brat thing. Brat I can handle. I know how to fix that. It’s something else of which I can’t put my finger on. Is this a normal behavioral benchmark along the way to adulthood? Or should I intervene in some way to prevent something bad for my daughter.

I have family members and friends who have had great challenge with their kids when they grew to be teenagers. I acknowledge that some of this is quite normal as teenie boppers seem to think they know everything, but some of it has also been extreme. Parents of these families have spoken to me with warnings and information on what to expect with teen aged children. Some of the stories that I hear scare the crap out of me to be honest. What will I do to keep my kids from going down that road? What can I do to help my daughter who is already striving for independence to stay on a path that will provide security. Maybe it’s an over protective dad thing to over worry about his daughter. There are different ways to look at it. However, i’m not sure being over protective or over concerned is always a bad thing.

For now I am going to be patient and show my little girl lots of love and encouragement. I will not support bad behavior or condone bratieness. I have no problem crossing my daughter to teach her respect. At the same time I will let her know that I will be there for her during any of life's stages, she may be going through. I just need to remember to stick to the basics and continue to be fair, firm, and consistent as I do with all my children. It seems that when I forget to focus on basic principles, my fatherly powers are at a much lower level. Children know when you aren’t being fair, firm or consistent and they will be quick to call you out on it. Especially the consistent part. Being consistent is the hard part when you have several children at home who seem to be growing up so fast. Something I was taught by my parents, is the importance of getting things right with children when they are young.

I remember learning that the young years of a child’s life will speak volumes when compared to their adult life. If children do not understand basic social morals such as respect and civility before they are 10 years old, it is much more difficult to handle them when they are teenagers. This can sometimes lead them into trouble after they become adults. I think about this all the time, especially now that my daughter seems to be branching out. So, I will be patient and stick to the basics. This will have to work for me for now. And besides I love simplicity. And who knows, with a little luck my daughter will turn out just fine. Ya, this whole rant is probably just an overprotective dad thing. Right? After all, she’s only 7.  

-Brother Jared