Thursday, April 19, 2012

Tastes Great

My purpose in being here on this earth is the same for everyone else. Speaking stereotypically as a parent, I’m here to prepare my offspring to live successfully on this world. I would hope that all parents feel this way. Seeing how almost everything on this planet in some way or another prepares their progeny for life, I would hope that we all understand this  important part of existence. To me, understanding this “purpose” has lead me to be a better dad.

What gets me is the myriad of ways people “prepare” their children for life in the real world. I believe there is a balance in how we do this with our our kids. I couldn't believe what i was seeing when actor Alicia Silverstone appeared on the internet recently chewing her 10 month old’s cereal and then spitting the food into the poor little guy’s mouth. Is Ms. Silverstone an incredible super mom, or is she out of her mind? I’m sure people will be debating Alicia’s parental decisions for some time now, but my thought is this... Are we as parents doing too much for our children? Is it possible to over protect, or over care for children? Can a parent do too much for their child as to harm or damage the person in preparation for “real life”?

To me the short answer is yes. I think it is possible to over care for children. I think the technical term is “spoil”. Don’t get me wrong here, I think the best thing for kids is to show them lots of love. Children need to know that they are important to the family, and that they matter in everything parents do. However, I think chewing your children’s food isn’t the best way to show them love and respect. I let my kids chew their own food. Children learn best I think when they experience things themselves. Children are going to fall when they learn to walk. Later they will fall more as they ride bikes, and play games and sports.  Heck, I still fall when I ride my bike!

Another thing parents do in caring for their little ones, is protecting them from being wrong. I see this a lot. If the child doesn't get something right, you can watch the mom or dad  quickly intervene and use distraction techniques so the child won't be upset at their mistake. I say let the kid be wrong. Its OK to be wrong. That's how humans are programed to learn when they are young. Instead, it’s popular to take this great learning tool away in the name of care and protection for children. This behavior comes full circle when the child learns that he or she should never be wrong. Then the parents are in a situation in which they become full time servants to an ever needing child. Children in these situations usually have to be the center of attention and in need of constant praise. The sad thing about this is the naive parents who are now enablers of the child’s misdirected behavior. I guess spoiling children is the new way to raise children.

I was amazed at the term “spoiled child syndrome”. This is an actual condition being used for people who grew up spoiled. It turns out that you can harm your kids ability to become “normal”. I recently read a great article written by a family and child therapist, Helene Rothschild. In her article she wrote:

”... I noticed that the clients who were spoiled had a very difficult time in their lives. They had inadequate people and coping skills. Unfortunately, without that being their intent, the parents did not prepare them for life. Generally speaking, I found them to be emotionally weak and lacking self confidence; especially if their parent or parents gave them all they needed and wanted even in their adult life. They were not taught to be considerate of others and did not understand what was wrong and how to fix the problem.”

I think Dads are good in this area. Generally we are thought of as the tougher and less hovering part of the parental team. Moms seem to get the credit for being the softer more nurturing component. So lets use our dad skills and let the kids have some time to be on their own with the opportunities to really learn and experience things even at the risk of the children being wrong. Its OK. Let the child freak out a little. It will be fine. Even adults need to freak every once in awhile. The important thing is that children are given opportunities to learn. After all, that’s what we are here to do. Oh, ya, no more chewing your kid’s food for them.

-Brother Jared

1 comment:

  1. Chewing child's food!?! Was it for a medical reason or because she didn't want her child choke or something? Either way, I think a blender would be a better option if it is necessary. I agree we need to make sure we do not spoil our child...I see the results directly in my classroom. I do think there is a happy balance and this balance may be different for each kid. One kid might be very independent and ready to do a great deal on their own, while another may need to be more gradually given more freedom. The point is to not create a spoiled brat. Sometimes our own children act like spoiled brats. The key to good parenting is how you deal with these moments. Parenting is definitely a tricky job. As I said before, that is why we are supposed to be in family units...I know I couldn't do this job alone!!!

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