The Beginning

My oldest child is 8 now and I've been at home with him and his sister for almost the entire duration. There are a lot of things I've had to learn to keep sane, not just how to be a dad, but what it means to be a dad (there is a difference). Fortunately, my closest brother has been going through the same things as myself. Fate deemed that we both should be at-home dads at relatively the same time. One of the best tools I've had as a parent is having his support. Its all about perspective. There are things about being a dad specifically - as opposed to a parent - that my wife can't relate to, and in that sense my brother was a great help.

He and I decided that there are other dads out there that are going through the same things we did. Some of them probably don't have the luxury of having someone close who understands the difficulties (and the joys) of being an at-home dad. So we're going to write about our failures and successes in hopes that at least a few of you might find some encouragement here. It's also a pretty damn good venue for us to vent and rant about many of the hypocrisies and misgivings around being a dad.

First some history.

It all started around 9 years ago. The words "I'm late" were really not the ones I wanted to hear coming from my wife. We had a comfortable life. She had a successful career as a hairdresser and my reputation and paychecks from my work in the film industry were steadily growing larger. This "lateness" was going to really throw a monkey wrench into things. I mean, I always knew I was gonna have kids sometime. Did it really have to start now?

I'm a responsible guy, right? I decided I wasn't going to freak out. People have kids all the time. It wouldn't really change my life that much. I spent the next few days mentally prepping myself. I was fully preoccupied with psyching myself out. Yes, this would be good. "I can do this! - Having a kid is gonna be awesome!"

To make it official we decided to make a night of it. My wife went to the pharmacy and picked up a pregnancy test. We then dressed up and went out to dinner. After our meal, before dessert, she excused herself to the restroom. I remember sitting in my chair with my stomach in knots, more from excitement than anxiety, waiting for her to come back and make it "official". She returned.

"Its negative."

At first I was a little confused. I mean I was supposed to feel relieved, right? Our lives could go back to normal - comfortable. For some reason, though, I wasn't relieved. I was disappointed. I could tell by the look on my wife's face that she was too. I had done way too good of a job psyching my self out. We realized, almost simultaneously, weather we were ready or not, we needed to have a baby.

-Brother Brett